But the last time I had apple pie was probably my grandmothers…which was supreme apple pie (even though I don’t like pie, I did like THAT pie).  I remember how dinner wasn’t over until we had our pie.  I remember how grandpa would always ask for “just a sliver” every time.  Apple pie reminds me of those times.

So, today, when I walked past the student center, I was offered a full apple pie, still warm.  Don’t know how or why I was offered, but it was there, so I accepted.  I have two roommates in my townhouse (dorms are currently being renovated, so townhouse for the time being), and while we have this fantastic living space, the three of us have mostly confined ourselves to our rooms.

Until tonight, with apple pie.  It brought out great conversation, one roommate asked for only a small piece, (“a sliver” I had to think to myself), and it just reminded me a bit of home.

I may start liking apple pie after all.

I’ve shared the standard “get to know you” questions with at least 50 of them.

Tomorrow, I will remember the names of perhaps 4 of them.

I’ve eaten, I’ve played, I’ve prayed, I’ve worshiped.

I haven’t studied…yet.

I’m tired of small talk, and yearning for the depth that I know will come with time.

I’m tired, but probably won’t sleep much.

And as I’m writing this…I have one new facebook friend request.  Thanks Brian.  Make that 5 names I’ll remember tomorrow.

All that said, it completely feels like home.  I’m glad I’ve arrived.

Oh…and by Brian, I meant Bryan.  At least it would have sounded the same.

(Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey, pg. 50)

Amen.

The reality, though, is that sometimes we live in a world of candlelight.  Where we really can’t see that far ahead of us.

“If only the next step is clear, take it.” - Amy Carmichael

“Human begins are incapable of knowing how they experience one another.  Because of this basic knowledge gap, we create our own conceptions of others experience us and then substitute these conceptions for reality.  Indeed, we even base our actions and reactions to others upon our projections.  We create an imaginary picture and base all our communication upon this fiction.  But projections are exactly that – projection – and not reality.  Consequently, we spend our lives bridging a fundamental double gap by formulating imaginary projections based on imaginary perceptions.” – (W. Randolph Tate, Biblical Interpretation: An Integrated Approach, 3rd Edition, pg. 203)

I find that quote disturbing, and I find it to be true. If it is true, than it means that we never really understand who we are, because we are living into the projections of what we think others think about us.  It creates a never ending identity struggle.  I’d like to think it wasn’t that way, but I know that project how I think someone else experiences an interaction with me, and of course, once I start to believe those projections are truth, I usually start to find ways to reinforce them (whether good or bad).

What do you think?  Are we ever really able to be “real” with one another? Do we ever fully understand another persons experience of us? Do you think we go around with those projections, which almost forces us to live into the projections we’ve created?  How do we move past that, so that we can fully experience true communion with one another?

I’d love to get some feedback on this.

Breathe.

In the hardest moments of my life, sometimes it seems that breathing is all I am capable of doing.  I don’t think I’m the only one.  There are many songs written about breath, breathing, and how sometimes that is all we can do.

Keep Breathing” Ingrid Michaelson; “Breathe In, Breathe Out”, Mat Kearney;  “Just Breathe”, Pearl Jam;…This list could go on and on…

Through the hardest moments of my life, the lyrics of those songs have spoken to me, reminding me to just take each breath.  God breathed life into us (Gen:2)…and sometimes all we can do is draw the strength from the breathe that he offers.

Classes have just started for me, and part of Asbury Seminary’s program is to have a devotional type “reader” that they issue each semester.  The theme for this semester’s reader:  Breath.  You can see the promo for the reader here: I’m pretty pumped about it.  It is so encouraging to me that resources like this are out there.  Even though I’m an online student, and spend little time on campus, things like this foster such an amazing sense of community.  It’s so refreshing and exciting.

So check out the link, and then come and BREATH with me a bit this year.

I was watching a movie today, “The 13th Floor”.  It is one of those kinds of movies that you watch from the beginning, but you really don’t understand what’s happening.  So all you can do is keep watching, until at some point something clicks, or pieces begin to fall together, and the story starts to make a lot more sense.

I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately about things going on in their life.  A lot of them feel like it just doesn’t make sense.  How could the things that are happening, or have happened, ever piece together?

I wish I knew the answer to that question.  How do we find the good…how do we find God in some of the darkest situations?  I was speaking with someone recently, and found myself saying that in my darkest times, I didn’t find God.  It wasn’t until after those times that God really started revealing Himself.  I guess it takes a little bit of time before the light can begin to be shed on the darkness…before those pieces begin to fall back together.

What are your thoughts?  Do I seem way off base?  How do you think God is present in the darkest situations?

The movie is about an American guy who has to go to India to train a call center because they have just recently been outsourced.  As I’m dozing in and out through the movie, a scene stuck out to me.  The two main characters are in a taxi cab in India.  The American notices that the taxi driver has a figure of the Kali, the goddess of destruction, on the dashboard.

“Why would you want the goddess of destruction in your car?” he asks.  His friend replies,

“Sometimes destruction is a good thing.  She ends one cycle, so a new one can begin.”

I’m not at all professing belief in this goddess.  I do not believe in her.  I do, however, recognize some Truth evident in those statements…even as a Christian.   So many times in life (not even just personal life, but also communal, government, etc.) the destruction of one cylce must happen for growth to occur.

For me, my divorce was agony.    It was not only the destruction of my marriage, but the destruction of a lot of the things that were driving factors in my life.  Things that I thought were good, but I realized were not healthy. 

So my marriage destructed, but new life emerged.  I’m thinking about the very first post I made to this blog, entitled “Rebirth”.  There’s a cool picture there and a quick note about how rebirth is occuring after the destruction of Hurricane Katrina.

I also watched Craig Ferguson last night and his interview with Dr. Cornel West.  Craig thought the interview would be about black history month, but Dr. West described it as discussing humanity’s struggle, regardless of skin color.  A great interview, that touched a bit on destruction, and the healing that comes aftward.  It is a late night show, with some portions that may be inappropriate, so I won’t post the links here…but it is a very interesting interview.

What do you think?

Does something good ALWAYS come from destruction?  Is there ANY good that comes from destruction?  Are there any cycles that you need to break, so that new cycles can begin?

Let me know…

I don’t really like the idea of resolutions myself…I feel like I only set myself up to fail and then feel bad for not following through.

That being said…there are areas in my life that need improvement.  So…this year I’m working toward improving my language.  Its more than just not swearing…but it’s about speaking positive things instead…as the old saying goes…”if you can’t say anything nice…don’t say anything at all.”

So far…I’m still struggling.  But I am more aware of my attitude.  I guess that’s a start.

What about you?  What was your resolution?  How’s It been working out for you?

Part of my great job is that I get to take the girls in the youth group to the “Revolve Tour”.  Being a man, they always laugh when I take them, because I’m usually just about the only guy in the convention center.  But it’s fun, and it’s interesting, and I like to spend time with them.

When we go on this trip, I usually drop them off at the convention center for the Friday night segment, and my other adults that go with me stay with them there.  I go and check us into the hotel, get dinner ready, gas up the van, etc. and then pick them up at the end. 

That’s what happened tonight.  When we got back to the hotel, we were talking, and eating, and the girls were on their normal emotional high after the first night’s festivities.  I started to ask them a bit about their evening.  And I must say, I’m proud of my girls.  They really get it.  They came back discussing two questions:

1.  What is God’s dream for each of them, and how do they find it.

2.  How do we get back to the garden (paradise)?

Pretty deep questions I think.  I’m not going to post their answers here, but I encourage you (yes, YOU) to ponder those questions, and post a response.

What is God’s dream for you, and how do you find it?

How will you get back to the garden (paradise)?

Can’t wait to see some responses…