Post a Week

So…I’ve decided that blogging more is something that I really want to commit myself to this year.  I mean, I’ve got important things to say, and the world should here them!  Ok…not really…but still, 1 post every six months or so doesn’t really seem worth having.

WordPress has a “post a week” challenge, and I’ve decided that I’m going to participate.  Hopefully, this will start to motivate me a little more. 

Anyway, here’s to giving the world a few more of my thoughts this year!!!

Peace.

PS:  If it’s been over a week since you’ve seen my last blog post, comment, and ask for more (whether you really want it or not).

Death Sucks

So, I got a card today about my grandmother.  It was a sympathy card…sweet in itself…the note written on the inside…

“Death Sucks regardless…even with mercy as a part of it.”

Yeah…that about sums it up.

The End (The Beginning)

Few people have expressed their love for each other in the way that Harry and Gloria Mallory have.  I will never forget my moments with them.

Deep peace to you Grandma.  Grandpa has been waiting.

My Friend

I just talked to an old friend on facebook.

A friend from college…that I haven’t spoken to in probably 4 or 5 years.  We used to be best friends.  But I hurt him, pretty badly I think, even though he never admitted it, and I justified my part in it.  We tried to maintain an awkward friendship for a while, until we both graduated, and then we just lost touch.

A few weeks ago I get a friend invite from him on facebook.  And I’m actually excited.  And then I remember the stuff that went down between us…and how we never really talked about what happened…it just happened, and we tried to make the best of it, without naming the situation.  And the pain of hurting my friend came back.  I know I had apologized for all that had happened, and he had never admitted being hurt, but, well, as another good friend keeps reminding me, “It is what it is.”  And what it was, changed our friendship (if you could still call it that). 

So, I get on facebook today, and for the first time I see his name come up in the little chat box.  So I say hello…

And perhaps the most general statement is made by both of us…”so, what’s new?”

Now…since the last time we spoke, a lot has been new.  But, all I could think to say was, “I got divorced (three years ago), and I work as an associate pastor, starting seminary in the fall.”

His response was good luck and congratulations.

Then he replied to the same question.  “I’m in Kuwait, about to head in to Iraq,”  (I didn’t even know he had actually joined…last we talked he was just thinking about it).  “And I have a new baby.”

And the pain that has been with me the past few years about him…well…it just seemed trivial at that point.  As I think back on it now, and the things we go through in life, what happened between us really wasn’t a big deal…the bigger deal was the friendship that dissolved because of it.

So peace to you, my friend.  Stay safe.  I truly hope to keep in touch.

(Dis)Harmony

“The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual.  There is no discord in My Kindgom, only a something unconquered in My disciples.” 

- God Calling, A.J. Russell, editor

   God Calling is a book given to me by Just Sally.  I must admit, devotionals are not my thing…I find a hard time sitting with one for any extended period of time.  This one, while only in day 2 of what I’ve read, seems to be appealing to me.  Maybe it is because it’s only a few sentences a day…Maybe it’s because I’m changing a bit, and receiving more than in the past.  Maybe it’s because God needs me to hear something, and is providing me with the will to continue reading.  Perhaps it is a combination of the three.

Today’s passage though, that statement, rings true.  So many times I have misstepped, done wrong, failed, and struggled, and felt hopeless…and so many times I have turned that on God…thinking it was because He didn’t give me what I needed to make it.  God’s Kingdom is perfect…It is through my own inability to be unconditionally loving, perfectly obediant, and completely honest that hinders me.

Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone else…  Do you ever feel like you’re rambling???

Movement

Alot of what I’ve been reading and learning and hearing about lately is the idea of Christian life being a journey.  A pilgrimage.  A life that follows Christ, walks with Him.  The essential aspect of this is clearly movement.  Motion. 

Where are we going?  Or, perhaps the better question, How are we going to get where we are going? 

As I prepare to take classes next fall at Asbury Seminary, I am reading through part of their Christian Formation program.  This program refers to the journey that people take for theological education as “mapmaking.”  It states that the best maps first disorient us, and challenge our false reality with a truer representation of the real world.  Orientation represented by the map that Christ offers means becoming lost to the neatly calendared boxes of our old map.  It says, “Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.’   Translation:  I am the map.”

If you have a map, then you are going somewhere.  You are choosing the best route to get where you are going.  And again, this imagery of movement is prevelant.

As I sit in my office, working in the church, I’m very much aware of the fact that spiritually, I am certainly on a journey.  I am following a map, trying to find the best way to take my adventure.  But, even as I am aware of that fact…I am aware that I am currently sitting.  In my office. 

It’s good to remember that as I sit, I am still in motion.

Conversati…Oh, You’re a Pastor

I was at the gym this morning.  For the first time ever I was the only person there.  I started my workout and things were going fine.  About halfway through, another guy came in.  A guy I had seen before, but had never interacted with, other than the occasional nod of “hey, how ya doin.”

He starts up a conversation in a little bit.  Totally cool.  Great guy.  We’re just talking away…he tells me what he’s doing, a bit about his past, what he thinks of the current news story that’s playing on the TV.  And we talk for a good half an hour.  Really kinda cool…and then it comes out that I work as an Associate Pastor, and the whole conversation changed.

Now…he didn’t stop talking to me.  He didn’t get nervous at all…but the conversation completely changed to religion, and spirituality, and some of the struggles that he’s had.  Turns out he’s had some experience in the church world.  But I struggled with the fact that religion became our conversation.  It was like a switch was flipped when I mentioned what I do.  And that happens pretty often.

I called a friend of mine (who also works in the church), and we talked about that experience.  She mentioned that she shared the same struggles…that when people find out what we do, it changes things.  She thought that if that information was disclosed too early in the conversation, that it usually ended up changing the conversation, focusing it about God, instead of whatever the conversation may be about,  BUT, she said, if you have a conversation and the fact that you work in the church comes out at the end, as your wrapping it up, it actually changes the experience.  It makes it feel more like the church is actually living within this world.  Instead of becoming the topic of the conversation, it makes spirituality, religion, God, (whatever you want to call it) a foundation to the conversation.  Instead of changing the conversation, it just changes the context.

I thought it was pretty insightful.  I love my job.  I love what I do.  But I want that to be a foundational aspect of my life in this world, rather than for it to set me apart from this world.

It makes me wonder if that’s why Jesus told people not to talk about him.  Because it would set him apart.  Instead of working as the son of God in this world, he would have been set apart from this world.

Who knows???

Communal Isolation

I was thinking tonight about how I isolate.  I was thinking tonight about how I isolate while I was in a community of 30 people.  These 30 people were all men, all struggling with issues that come up when men become isolated.

And it amazed me how isolated I could make myself, even while the men around me fought that same isolation.

Community must have more to do with a state of mind, and a state of heart, than with simply being around other people.

Tomorrow Makes 5

So…tomorrow makes the 5th anniversary of my Grandfather’s death. 

I’m not sure why I always remember it, but I always do.  And I always want to go see my Grandmother in the nursing home.  I’m not sure if I will get to do that tomorrow, but I always want to.  I really don’t have a lot to say about it, usually this anniversary spurs me on to some sort of blog posting about him and his life.  I guess, sometimes, there aren’t alot of words to say.

Anyway…here’s to you Grandpa.  You are in my thoughts today…and certainly will be tomorrow.

Teach Me Lord to Pray

So, something strange happened to me today.  And I wish it wasn’t strange…but it was.  I actually wish it was a really normal occurence for me.

I’m praying this morning…and I usually have a card of specific people that need prayers.  But today, I couldn’t find my card.  Well…that’s ok.  I figuired I’d just pray through without it…no big deal.  About halfway through my prayer, an image of a friend (who I know wasn’t on the list) was burned in my mind.  So I prayed for that person.  Then, came the image of Marshall (read We Are Marshall to learn about him).  And I prayed for Marshall.

Sometimes I wonder if my list doesn’t get in my way.  Maybe my list of people to pray for puts a limit on what I will hear from God.  It doesn’t limit God…but it limits me.  Thank you Lord, for continuing to teach me to pray.

Perhaps I’ll lose my card again sometime.